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THE YORKSHIRE PUDDING GUIDE TO MAKING YOUR OWN INDIE / GUITAR BASED / POP BAND

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You will need:
1. Between 3 � 6 people with similar dress sense and haircuts. Try to find at least a couple of laid back, easy going members, someone with a van and someone who is good at art so they can design posters, demo covers, backdrops etc.
2. A rehearsal room, alternatively you can use a garage or a large bedroom (but you will have to eat a lot of eggs to sound proof the room with the boxes).
3. A manager, it�s cheaper to use someone's Dad or a friend. Preferably someone with plenty of dosh.
4. Some instruments and amplification. We advise you to get your manager to buy it all and pay him back when you�re rich and famous (like myself, NOT).
5. A wide range of CD�s, plenty of Oasis, cos all bands, no matter what they say all want to be either Oasis or as big as (it�s true).
6. Drugs / fags / alcohol.

Next Step.
After you have your band together, rehearse twice a week for 3 months and then book a gig down at your local.
Then
Invite your Mum, Dad, Brother, Sister and her boyfriend plus all your mates. WARNING � They�ll all think your crap but won�t say it to your face. Instead they�ll say I thought you were rather good for a first attempt.
Then.
Take the �63.48p you made from the gig to a local studio and record all your set live in one take (studios are expensive so you can�t afford to be to fussy, besides you won�t sound as bad once its been mixed).
Then.
do another gig at your local so you can buy loads of blank tapes to put your demo on. Send some to the local press who will see it gets a damn good slating, some to record companies and sell some or should I say try to sell some to your Mum, Dad & mates etc.
Then.
have an argument about playing a crap gig cos the bassist was pi$$ed and then throw in your opinion the drums on the demo are too quiet and that the direction of the music is not where you want to go. Quit the band and start another then repeat the process all over again.

Next issue � How to write a crap song that�s sure to go to No.1.

Have you ever part II

Please answer the questions below:


Have you ever..........

Seen the Commitments more than twice?
Bought an taped, taped it & took it back to for a refund?
Done a No2 outside?
Grown a Beard, Xtra long armpit hair?
Thrown a TV out of a window?
Jumped a Taxi?
Made love to more than one person at a time?
Spoken to the pope?
Smoked dope?
Met Bob Hope?

 Y   N









  
Thank you for your co operation.


Un-famous Quotes!!!!


Here's a selection of quotes from people you probably don't even know. They're not famous, they're just average, everyday, regular people who have captured my heart with amusing, witty & sometimes quite intelligent lines of conversation.

"Does it come with strings"
Paddy, an old friend on buying a guitar.

"Well, it was in tune when I bought it"
Mick Brown. Singer & Guitarist from Daisy Cutter.

"That sounds Fu*king Ace"
DJ Johnny on hearing me play four chords on an electric guitar.

"I'll pick you up at 6pm"
Danny discussing what time to com for me to go to a gig. He came at 7.30pm.

"When's the bar open"
Me, before a soundcheck.

"Clap then ya Ba$t@rds"
Me again, on not getting an applause.

"It's cos we haven't rehearsed enough"
Me once again, on why we sounded crap (It was nothing to do with the vast amounts of alcohol I managed to consume).

Next issue - Un famous quotes from Cats & Dogs.


10
Words that rhyme with 10.
  1. Ben
  2. Den
  3. Hen
  4. Glen
  5. Wren
  6. When
     
Words that have 10 in them but have nothing to do with 10

  1. Tent
  2. Tentacles
  3. Tendency
  4. Tense
  5. Tenor (as in singer not the note, although he does sing a note)
Other facts about 10

When you reach the age of ten you are into double figures until you are one hundred.
Blairs den No10 doesn't have the same ring to it as Maggies den No10.
God gave us 10 Commandments.
There are only ten numbers is the whole universe 0 - 9.
If you are in the top 10 you're considered as being quite famous.
The tenth letter of the alphabet is "J".
Some people go to bed at 10 while others wake up at 10
10 years is a decade.
10 X 10 = 100. take of the zero and you've got 10.
Pearl Jam's first album was called "10". it's about the number of their favourite Basketball player (Wotsisname).




Stuff to do with your feet.

  1. Play footsie with someone.
  2. Try & more your little toe.
  3. Walk on them.
  4. Tap them to music.
  5. Take them to a club.
  6. Measure them.
  7. Draw around them.
  8. Shave them.
  9. Kick them.
  10. Introduce them to your mouth.


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STAR OF THE ISSUE

This issues star is someone who is one of the most important players in the Yorkshire Pudding game... I'm talking about my Postman, I don't know his name, but if it wasn't for him then I wouldn't receive any of the lovely letters that you readers send to me. So can you all stand up and give a round of applause for my postman.
PS I wonder what he thinks when he posts all the envelopes marked Yorkshire Pudding through my letterbox. I hope he doesn't think I'm some sort of porn star.